Most junk mail that comes across my computer gets trashed. But when the subject line screams "How... When we're ready for a

Most junk mail that comes across my computer gets trashed. But when the subject line screams "How to Tell If She's Ready to be Kissed," well, curiosity gets the best of me.

The author of the Kiss Test, at www.datingsecretsonline.com, said just thinking a woman's lips look luscious isn't indicative of her interest.

Looky here. I may be out of the dating pool, but I sure remember plenty of times when I wanted to be kissed and got nothing. Or when I didn't want to be kissed and got clobbered or slobbered.

The Web site author also claims he knows "secret" body language to keep a woman's attention; how to approach a new woman that you'd like to meet; and what to say to start a conversation without resorting to pick-up lines.

But he'll score more points and chances for a smooch if he plunks down a fistful of cash in the collection plate when it comes through the crowd. A good woman doesn't mind a poor fellow, but she doesn't want a cheapskate either.

What's really bad is when you go out on a date and he "forgets" his wallet or credit cards and then swoops in like some rabid bat and plants a toothy kiss somewhere between your lips and chin.

Second, she may even pucker up herself. Third, she will be wearing perfume and nice clothes, not a Muumuu with orthopedic slippers and a steel-belted radial bra. Not that you'll get a gander of it.

The no-no's are: Flexing one's muscles in front of mirrors while working out at a gym. Gazing at one's self in store windows while walking with a date downtown. Sashaying around like some kind of super stud let loose for the first time in a decade.

Also, for those paying attention, pick-up lines are very '70s. A friend of mine's sister invented a game called 52-card Pick Up that's a better gimmick for snagging interest.

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