Dear Carolyn: I am in a group of seven girlfriends who get together about once a month. The topic... Tell Me About It: It's

Dear Carolyn: I am in a group of seven girlfriends who get together about once a month. The topic of children and parenting frequently dominates the conversation, which can annoy the three child-free women.

One of them, "Sarah," has been trying to get pregnant for about two years without success ... but not everyone knows that, and she doesn't want everyone to know that.

I've talked to a couple of the other mothers and their attitude seems to be, "I have children, so of course I'm going to talk about children, so they need to get over it."

Four friends all in one room and all in some active stage of motherhood are going to talk about kids; it could be that you're particularly sensitive to the volume of kid talk because of Sarah's situation.

As long as the mothers are mindful of including others and willing to change the subject, there's nothing wrong with discussing kids "for a few minutes" - just as four of you who have seen the same movie will also want to discuss it, and should feel free to, as long as you don't let your discussion dominate the evening. (Or worse, ruin the ending).

But Sarah's fertility problem doesn't change either scenario. It's just common courtesy neither to banish nor beat to death any one topic of conversation.

If everyone knew of her struggle then certainly some regard for her feelings would be expected - again, to keep the kid talk moving along, not to stifle it. One person's pain does not bring all other lives to a halt.

By choosing both to keep her situation private and to keep coming back, Sarah herself has shown that she appreciates this - and, more important, appreciates these friends and these gatherings.

Her choices, however, might also keep her from saying the one thing you (and anyone else) can and should say when needed: "Aaaagh, enough about kids!"

Dear Carolyn: I am 27 and recently divorced. I've dated a bit since and am now involved with someone I could see a future with. My parents insist that I need more time and dating experience before getting serious with someone, or I am likely to make the same mistakes.

In your case, the time to trust yourself will be when you realize your parents have valuable things to say but can't overrule your own gut. You might still screw up, but that's always possible. What matters is having the courage to listen and learn.

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