DEAR HARLAN: My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year, and about two weeks ... Help Me, Harlan!: Look into cont

Submitted by admin on Wed, 2006-09-13 11:00. ::

I said I am trying not to show that I am very upset still. He said, "Well, it would be nice if you showed the real you." I am very upset. I cry every night. He looks so depressed all the time and is very pale. He told me he is very upset too and cannot sleep and has headaches. Should I show that I am upset?

DEAR SO SAD: You can videotape yourself crying. Then you can post it online and send him a link. Then he can play it over and over again. Or you can just say that his inability to trust that you're upset is just another reason why this thing is done. Maybe you just show your emotions in a different way. And maybe you need a man who can appreciate this. As for being jealous and controlling, if this is true, figure out if you want to change it. If you don't think so, think about what made him think this so that you can learn how not to be this way next time.

DEAR HARLAN: I dated a guy for three years, off and on. We broke up for six months and got back together, and it's not the same. During that time, there was a man who I worked with and I developed feelings for him. So I broke it off with my boyfriend -- kind of, sort of, but not completely. It's been about four months, and he keeps calling me and tries to talk to me.

I care about my ex as a friend; I just can't be his girlfriend. I'm in a new relationship and I'm very happy. He doesn't get the hint -- I hang up when he calls, I tell him I'm busy and to call back later and I reject his messages. I'm not the type of person to be the heartbreaker.

DEAR HEARTBREAKER: Part of dating means risking being a heartbreaker. But, you see, a lot of people like to date without having to break hearts. Then, when things go south, they go into avoidance mode. Sometimes they pretend it's for the best, but the truth is it's because no one wants to be the bad guy. Be kind, but tell him your feelings have changed. If you think there's anything more to be said that can help in his next relationship (and he can handle hearing it), then say it. Sure, it might be hard for him to hear, but it needs to be said. Help Me, Harlan! appears on Wednesdays. Write Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614, e-mail harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit www.help meharlan.com.

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