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Submitted by admin on Sat, 2006-09-02 11:00. ::

Dear Harlan: I met a wonderful and beautiful girl, and we've been off-and-on dating (mainly "on") for about 31/2 years now while attending school.

Here's the problem: I'm an atheist who questions everything and has a very strong foundation regarding my beliefs. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is a Catholic -- in my opinion, one who doesn't question her beliefs enough. She was raised Catholic and seems to like it, even if she doesn't practice it. I personally don't have a problem with people being religious, as long as they have a strong foundation in their beliefs.

I'm at a point in my life where I want to start settling down and am starting to think about having kids. In no way would I want to jeopardize her morals or my own. We've talked about having kids, and every time have ended with an argument: She wants to take her kids to church and raise them Catholic, and I won't even consider the thought of having my children raised in a church.

At first I thought this was something that we could possibly work out. I stupidly thought that I could possibly convert my scientific-minded, Catholic girlfriend to atheism. But now, I really don't see either one of those things happening.

Dear Devote: She doesn't need to defend her beliefs for them to be beliefs worth having. It's as if you think her being a scientist makes it less plausible that she can have religion. Faith doesn't have a formula. Before replacing her with someone who agrees wholeheartedly that there is no God, consider that something greater could come from this. Maybe you can work out a compromise and raise a child who can love people of all religions and embrace an individual's choice to have religion in his or her life. At a time when there is so much intolerance in the world, the idea of creating a new life that respects differences and can help teach others to do the same is so needed. Have faith. Spread tolerance.

Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.

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